Posts

About Feyisitan

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Hi there, thank you for visiting my blog, I am Fรจyรญsรฌtร n. I am the founder of The Nurtured Ministries to create awareness of Domestic Violence in African societies. The initiative was initially titled  ''NurturedNotTortured'' was chosen primarily from the reflection of my experience being in a marital narcissistic abusive relationship for a long period of time. While the relationship was extremely toxic, it was stressful, draining and distracting but I was never broken. I was being nurtured by the reality of knowing who I was as an individual, knowing who I am in Christ as a Christian and an understanding of scriptural principles for everyday living.

I believe my experience was for a purpose, for such a time as this. To equip and prepare me for this Ministry to help others who are or may find themselves in abusive or toxic relationships.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 clearly define the foundation of this cause.

 ''3: All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ…

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2020

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Glory to God for a victorious 2019๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’ƒ

To my clients, THANK YOU for trusting me with your transformation journey

Have a blissful, narc-free, abuse-free, guilt-free 2020 and beyond. 

You're blessed and highly favoured ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

Keep living and flourishing in your truth - Unbroken, Unashamed and Unstoppable.

Enjoy๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ๐Ÿฅ‚๐Ÿพ


With Love 
Feyisitan

Why Can't She Just Leave?

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Why can't she just leave? This is a very common question that comes up in domestic violence cases in intimate relationships, married or dating. I believe it's common knowledge that domestic abuse is no respecter of gender. Men and women can be caught up in intimate abusive relationships. However, inherent patriarchal privileges make more women vulnerable to domestic abuse than men are. It doesn't mean the lower percentage of men in abusive relationships is being ignored.
Ever wondered "why can't she just leave"?? ๐Ÿค”. This post will provide some insights into the reasons some victims of domestic abuse feel helpless & hopeless even when they have enough support to leave the abuser.

In fairness to those who have not directly experienced domestic abuse, it's really difficult for them to fathom the justification for staying in such toxic relationships when violence comes home. It's no brainer, right? Well, it's not always that simple and I will ex…

No One Is Wired To Cheat

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Hi people, this picture was taken on my weekend trip. I had planned to not visit Instagram or Facebook during my weekend break but that plan didn't last very long..lol but I'm glad I did because I saw a post on Instagram that inspired this topic. I wasn't even sure what title to use but I'm sticking with 'No One is Wired To Cheat' I saw a post on Instagram about the cheating scandal involving a popular American family. I noticed that many people were blaming and shaming the 'third-party' in the comment section. Well, I believe that people really need to learn to stop blaming 'third-parties' for relationship breakups. It doesn't matter whether the 'third party' is a side chic/piece (whatever they're called these days๐Ÿ˜ƒ), a toxic friend or monster-in-laws. If you must blame someone, focus on the party that indulged the third-party in the first place.
That "men are wired to cheat" nonsense need to stop. It’s one of the gr…

Common Terminologies in Narcissistic Abuse

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These are some of the common terminologies used in narcissistic abuse

Narc - Refers to a Narcissist

Target - The primary person experiencing or that experienced domestic/narcissistic abuse

Love Bombing - The initial strategic attention, superficial, feign affection the narcissist displays to secure their targets. It could be easily mistaken as genuine love, care and affection. They make empty promises, flatter their targets with excessive praise or gifts. They might also pretend to show interests in what they actually loathe just to deceive their target into believing and accepting them
Narcissistic Supply - praise, admiration, validation, laudable position or title the narcissist desperately seek and needs to create a sense of importance 
Enablers - People that knowingly or unknowingly support, validate, justify and revere narcissistic behaviour

Flying Monkeys - The people the narcissists successfully manipulate to act on their behalf. They would have been groomed by the narcissist over t…

It's OK To Cry

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Yes, it's ok to cry when hurt. Crying is an expression of emotions and not a sign of weakness

In a world where many people are raised with "big boys don't cry", ''man-up'' mentality to show strength when hurt or facing challenges, many people have been forced to master the act of suppressing their true emotions. However, suppressed hurtful emotions often lead to misplaced aggression which may lead to abusive behaviour
When children are trained to suppress their emotions:
- They may associate crying with weakness and become insensitive to other people's feelings and emotions 
- They may use crying as a weapon of deception to avoid accountability
-  They may experience frustration which will lead to transferred aggression (blind rage)
Over the years, from personal experience and other people's experiences of domestic abuse, It's found that abusers often display phases of exploitative rage which leave their victim and other bystanders baffle…

You're More Powerful Than The Abuser

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Are you familiar with the phrase 'hurting people hurt others?๐Ÿค”. I bet you are๐ŸŒž๐Ÿ‘ฉ‍๐Ÿ’ป But are you aware that you're actually more powerful than the person abusing you??๐Ÿค” Maybe not necessarily physically but mentally #readon
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.No doubt abusive behaviours are learnt over time. No one was born an abuser ✔๐Ÿ’ฏ#notdnaissue๐Ÿคท‍♀️
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.Somewhere between faulted upbringing, exposure to trauma, suppressed emotions, unresolved personal issues, manipulated scriptures, entangled with warped religious and cultural beliefs, an abuser was made ✔๐Ÿ’ฏ.
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The abuser's first tactic is to strip you of your self-esteem or take advantage of your vulnerabilities
.The abuser instils fear in you out of their own insecurities not because of what you did or didn't do or say
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.Your escape/leaving is an exposure of their inadequacies. In other words, you're a 'mask thief'๐Ÿ™ˆ
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.Fear, entitlement mentality and insecurities are some of the reasons for the rage, smear campaign and post abusive att…

Prayer for Women in Abusive Marriages

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There's another layer of abuse women of faith experience that forces some to endure domestic abuse much longer #spiritualbuse .
.They're often accused of - "not praying hard enough'","not submissive enough".

.They're quickly reminded that - ''God hates divorce", "a wise woman builds her home"
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Then blackmailed with being 'unforgiving and not Christ-like' when they summon the courage to leave the abuser.
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.Some are ostracised, isolated, stripped of their titles or positions because they're suddenly not 'wise enough women' for being separated or divorced due to domestic violence
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.This moment, my heart goes out to
- every woman, man and child who has lost a loved one - mother, sister, cousin, aunt, friend or colleague because of this.
- those who have been shamed, condemned, overlooked or judged
- those living with the consequences of the error and ignorance of those who should have protected them
- those…