Showing posts from October, 2016

About Feyisitan

Hi there, thank you for visiting my blog, I am Fèyísìtàn. I am the founder of The Nurtured Ministries to create awareness of Domestic Violence in African societies. The initiative was initially titled  ''NurturedNotTortured'' was chosen primarily from the reflection of my experience being in a marital narcissistic abusive relationship for a long period of time. While the relationship was extremely toxic, it was stressful, draining and distracting but I was never broken. I was being nurtured by the reality of knowing who I was as an individual, knowing who I am in Christ as a Christian and an understanding of scriptural principles for everyday living.

I believe my experience was for a purpose, for such a time as this. To equip and prepare me for this Ministry to help others who are or may find themselves in abusive or toxic relationships.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 clearly define the foundation of this cause.

 ''3: All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ…

The Cycle of Abuse

Many people, especially those who have not experienced domestic abuse often blame those experiencing abuse for condoning it, for not speaking out or even insinuate they deserve to be abused on the basis that the victims must have seen the 'signs' or experienced some form of abusive behaviour on the onset before committing to a relationship with the abuser. Likewise, many people also expect that victims of domestic violence should have a 'certain look' or appearance before, during and after the abuse. These types of beliefs stem from the limitation or lack of understanding of what domestic abuse is or the understanding that domestic abuse is only physical.

Well, I have ''walked the walk'', so I can very much ''talk the talk''. Abusers don't have a typical facial appearance or physical build neither do they introduce themselves by saying ...''Hi, I'm an abuser, I control and manipulate people and occasionally beat them up …

NNT Commandments to Surving Abuse

Posted By: Fèyísìtàn

In many African societies, many people consider it a ''taboo'' to talk about or discuss Domestic Violence publicly because some have accepted it to be the norm. Domestic Violence/Domestic Abuse is not normal. It is a criminal offence in Nigeria and most other African countries.

Living in an abusive relationship is a tough experience for anyone regardless of the magnitude of the abuse. Surviving domestic abuse takes courage and firm determination. It is a CHOICE that ONLY the ''Target'' or Victim of abuse must make.

Below are some tips I have put together. I refer to them as Commandments of Surviving Abuse

Thou shalt not allow ANYONE turn you into a victim

Thou shalt not GIVE UP on THYSELF


Thou shalt GET HELP

Thou shalt SPEAK UP for thyself

Thou shalt remain TRUTHFUL to thyself

Thou shalt NOT allow ANGER to control you

Thou shalt NOT be INTIMIDATED by the abuser (Abusers are usually insec…

Types of Domestic Abuse

Abuse is a broad topic however the scope of this cause is in Domestic Abuse in intimate relationships; that is in marriage or dating between current or former spouses/partners. I will use the words 'spouse' or 'partner' interchangeably to represent the couple.

I have had many conversations with men and women of various orientation, social status, age and religion with regards to their understanding of domestic violence or domestic abuse. Nine out of ten people understand domestic abuse to be only physical abuse where the abusive partner physically hurts the victim. Some understand it to be ..''women's issue'' or ''issue with women''. Some said..''it's when a husband or wife beat each other in marriage''. I believe these types of responses are not a complete surprise to many of us. But the reality is domestic abuse is not a ''woman's issue'', it's rather a ''People Issue''. …

Be Nurtured

Posted By: Fèyísìtàn

Living in an abusive home is stressful. It is an abuser's tactic to crush their target's self-esteem. To everyone out there experiencing domestic violence/abuse, hurting from negative words spoken to them, hear this...''The voice of your abuser is not the voice of God''. Shut your mind against any negative words and embrace God's chosen words for you.

You are who the Lord says you are and not someone's inability to see your worth.

''You're the righteousness of God'' (2 Corinthians 5:21),
''You are more than a conqueror through God who loves you (Romans 8:37),
''You're God's workmanship created for good works'' (Ephesians 2:10),
''You're of God...Greater is the God who lives in you than he that is in the world'' (1 John 4:4),
''You're the temple of the Holy Spirit'' (1 Corinthians 6:19).

Never Give Up on yourself because you are not forgotten.

The Foundation of Domestic Abuse

Posted By: Fèyísìtàn

Abuse is a learned behaviour. It's stemmed from upbringing, parenting, peer pressure, societal influence, associations and/or personal decisions. When you teach your children to lie for you, they will lie to you. Teach them to steal for you, they will steal from you. Those are facts. You can fast and pray 24/7, 365 days of the year for your children, tell them to do the right things but If your actions do not align with the message you're passing to them you'll lose them to the acts they see you perform. Children learn more from what they see and the acts being modelled to them than what they hear.

There are parents who tell their daughters ''men are horrible'' ''men can't be trusted'' ''men are dogs'' ''men will let you down''  etc, there are also parents who tell their sons ''don't trust any woman'' ''don't be faithful to any one woman but don't g…