Signs of Domestic Abuse

How Do You Know You're In An Abusive Relationship?

Domestic abuse rarely takes the form of a one-off event. It's a repeated pattern of a combination of physical and non-physical negative behaviours.

Non-physical abuse is as hurtful and harmful to your emotional, physical, spiritual and mental well-being as physical and sexual abuse are. Identifying signs of non-physical abuse starts with your feelings. If your gut feelings tell you 'something' is not right about the person you're dating or married to, don't ignore it. Trust your instincts, be observant, know the signs and make informed decisions.

The list below is not exhaustive and in no particular order but will help you as a target of abuse to understand your experience or feelings -
  1. Feelings of Fear
  2. Feelings of Intimidation
  3. Manipulation
  4. Isolation from family, friends and loved ones
  5. Consistent Complaints, Condemnation or Criticism
  6. Blame
  7. Lack of Empathy
  8. Feelings of Rejection
  9. Lack of Care, Affection or Attention
  10. Deliberate False Accusations
  11. Threats of harm or suicide if you leave the relationship
  12. May Apologise for their wrongdoing but blames you for their violence or aggressive reactions
  13. Superficial or No apology for bad/violent behaviour
  14. Multiple Personality
  15. Physical Abuse
  16. Financial Abuse
  17. Verbal Abuse
  18. Spiritual Abuse
  19. Digital Abuse
  20. Sexual Abuse
Other signs include:

- If you find yourself asking the abuser questions like -
   i) why are you so mean to me?
   ii) Why are you hurting me?
- You feel you're losing your self-esteem
- You're basically walking on eggshells
- You constantly doubt yourself
- You have to lie to cover up your bruises
- You are being hurt rather than being loved
- You're enduring rather than enjoying the relationship
- You feel the need to lie, justify or make excuses for the abuser
-  You feel the need to hide or avoid people that love and care for you so they don't find out the truth      about your experience
- When your loved ones express genuine concerns for your relationship
- When you feel ashamed about your experience

No relationship is devoid of conflicts but in a healthy relationship, there is mutual respect, commitment and understanding. Conflicts do exist in healthy relationships but they are resolved in love and not with violence.

If you can relate with any or all of the signs listed above, please seek professional help immediately.
Be encouraged to speak out and reach out to trusted and reliable family members, friends, colleagues or domestic violence centres near you.


  • No - It's NOT your fault
  • No - There's nothing wrong with you
  • No - You're  NOT crazy
  • No - You're NOT the problem
  • No - You're NOT alone
Please read the posts on Cycle of Abuse and Types of Domestic Abuse for a better understanding of the pattern of domestic abuse.

#speakout #reachout #benurtured #nottortured #standfirm #nevergiveup

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With Love