Domestic Abuse and Narcissistic Abuse Awareness with Feyisitan

One of the greatest challenges victims/targets of abuse face in speaking out is getting people to believe them. This is because abusers usually have chronic multiple personalities or suffer from other forms of psychological challenges. The abusive partner could be the most amazing sibling, boss, friend, colleague, religious leader, saving other people's lives, being compassionate to other people BUT on the home-front, the abuser is a 'monster' or a 'devil's advocate' or 'in-house terrorist'. The person you see that you think you know is different from the person they know. Domestic abuse is not just physical but also include patterns of coercive control, manipulation, intimidation, verbal abuse, spiritual abuse and psychological abuse. Not every victim will have visible scars to show for their ordeal.  So when people experiencing domestic abuse reach out to you, Believe them. Help them to get help. With love Fèyísìtàn O.A Dip.Cogniti...

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Hi there, thank you for visiting my blog. My name is Fèyísìtàn. I am a Trauma-Informed Domestic Violence & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach. I founded The Nurtured Woman, a private coaching and consulting practice that provides recovery coaching and mentoring support to men and women who have experienced domestic abuse or narcissistic abuse to transform their lives. I provide family court support on Child Contact Arrangement cases. I offer post-separation and divorce support for women who have escaped domestic violence to heal, thrive and live fulfilling lives. I'm a conference speaker. I create and deliver training courses and workshops on domestic violence, narcissistic abuse and healthy relationships. I support and encourage families to cultivate intentional, healthy, family relationships.   This blog was created to raise awareness of the various dynamics of Narcissistic Abuse and Domestic Violence in African communities. The initiative was initially titled...

Abusers don't have a peculiar look or any physical traits that make anyone identify them easily as abusers. What abusers display are patterns of negative behaviours. Typically, they possess superficial charm. They warm their ways into the lives of their Target to gain their trust then gradually begin to take control of every possible area of their Target's lives -  career, relationships with family and friends, passion and interests etc. From the onset of the relationship, they appear like dream catchers, full of hope, enthusiasm and support for your interests and dreams. When they are certain they've caught your attention and commitment, they gradually display their true selves...with time, 'the mask' begin to fall off. Some begin to isolate their Targets, gradually strip their Targets of their self-esteem/ self-worth by verbal abuse, discounting, isolation, condemnation, control and manipulation. From personal experience, counselling other people and man...

Many people, especially those who have not experienced domestic abuse often blame those experiencing abuse for condoning it, for not speaking out or even insinuate they deserve to be abused on the basis that the victims must have seen the 'signs' or experienced some form of abusive behaviour on the onset before committing to a relationship with the abuser. Likewise, many people also expect that victims of domestic violence should have a 'certain look' or appearance before, during and after the abuse. These types of beliefs stem from the limitation or lack of understanding of what domestic abuse is or the understanding that domestic abuse is only physical. Well, I have ''walked the walk'', so I can very much ''talk the talk''. Abusers don't have a typical facial appearance or physical build neither do they introduce themselves by saying ...''Hi, I'm an abuser, I control and manipulate people and occasionally beat them up...

Image by Oleg Magni on Canva Many people still consider discussing domestic abuse a 'taboo'  because some have accepted it as the norm while many others refer to it as merely a 'family matter' that should be managed within the family. Domestic violence is a crime against humanity and while it's prevalent amongst family members, it is still very much a crime. Living in an abusive relationship is a tough experience for anyone regardless of the magnitude of the abuse. Surviving domestic abuse takes courage and firm determination. It is a CHOICE that ONLY the ''Target'' or Victim of abuse must make. There's an abundance of life to live and purpose to fill after domestic abuse. The experience of abuse does not define who you are.  Below are some tips I have put together. I refer to them as Commandments of Surviving Domestic Abuse Thou shalt not allow ANYONE turn you into a victim Thou shalt not GIVE UP on THYSELF Thou shalt BREAK THE SILENC...

 Nurtured-Not-Tortured: Types of Domestic Abuse            Abuse is a broad topic however the scope of this cause is in Domestic Abuse in intimate relationships; that is in marriage or dating between current or former spouses/partners. I will use the words 'spouse' or 'partner' interchangeably to represent the couple. I have had many conversations with men and women of various orientation, social status, age and religion with regards to their understanding of domestic violence or domestic abuse. Nine out of ten people understand domestic abuse to be only physical abuse where the abusive partner physically hurts the victim. Some understand it to be ..''women's issue'' or ''issue with women''. Some said..''it's when a husband or wife beat each other in marriage''. I believe these types of responses are not a complete surprise to many of us. But the reality is domestic abuse is not a ''woman's i...